heartbeat_music's Xanga

winner winner chicken dinner

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:48:27 GMT

Don’t you love it when there’s that time of the day where there is almost a 360 degree spin, turning your horrible day almost automatically into a good one? I was walking on my street where my house resides, I usually have my ipod plugged in the ears and blasting. Even though my mom always yells at me for blasting my music, I literally love it more than a trip to ihop. It blocks out everything realistic and imaginable. Thinking no longer finds its way back into my brain for a couple of minutes. At this moment on the street, when passion pit shuffled its way on, I found myself walking in more of a stride and smiling. Music can connect all the odds and ends of my body and light them up, making me feel alive again.

I was just checking up on the blog and all the other various website accounts I manage. That’s when I saw a say anything ad up on my blog. It was like my fingertips responded and went into action. I just got finished watching 13 going on 30. I do not care what anybody says, that movie is great. Now I am typing away as I hear the voices of Mr. and Mrs. Jim Halpert on screen. There’s sort of a mini office marathon on right now and when that’s done, I’ll probably go watch some more. I am in the mood for tv tonight. My boyfriend has got me into that show top gear. It’s a guy show. I am learning a new language where we can both communicate. Basically, it has to do with cars and I finally have an idea what that boy talks about.

Sidetracking. If you’ve seen the episode where Jim and Pam get married, you remember how Andy tears his scrotum? I made fun of my boyfriend because he hangs his keys right near that area and I told him not to do a split with those keys there. He really did not get the joke at first but those who watch the show know what I am talking about.

Oh and I like that song by Sean Kingston that has to do with his ipod stuck on replay. Lmfaoo. 　

I close my eyes as I search for a path leading to his mind. We could be in a room together, feet apart and share a little secret that nobody knows what we are feeling.

hey guys! guesswhat?!

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:56:44 GMT

some girl who doesnt even fucking know me has told her sister some lie that includes my boyfriend asking her out and they were best friends and that i am a slut who makes out with guys in the halls of school. funny thing is, my boyfriend doesnt know who the fuck she is and the only lips mine have ever touched are oscars. im sorry if my boyfriend is not into you and i literally have no idea who you are. lmfao liars these days much? :)

get a fucking life.

My laptop died.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:18:39 GMT

Literally. It wont wake up, meaning that the screen is blankly black and nothing will come up. It constantly restarts itself and I have no idea how to fix it. My dad attempted to take it apart and put the pieces back but it wont seem to come back to life. I am miserable without. I am so pathetic lmfao. For now I will be surfing around on my brother’s laptop or the desktop. That wont be comfortable at all.

Waking up by the forcing sunlight sinking its way into my room is somehow relaxing. That feeling of space and gravity floating around my room as I hid under the comforter. I rub my eyes and stretch. Another day living.

I am gross and I need a shower. I want to be buried underground and away from society just for today. I would usually lock myself in my room but I am expanding my horizons and moving over to the living room. I do not feel like doing anything today. I am so lazy. I probably will cook up something great and much on that until two. My cousins are coming over because my cousin has to go to a party down the street. I borrowed a camera from school. I came back around ninth period to show my photo teacher my contact sheet that took forever to make. She was very impressed with the photos that I saved from exposure. It’s a good feeling when people compliment you on hard work.

Cold winter weather brings back memories that are the ones that I want to remember forever. Nothing bad has ever happened during this time of year. I grow closer to the family and closer to discovering the rest of me. I am just beginning but I am running to the end. I love the path I have taken ever since I crawled out of that dark hole. I am growing to love who I am starting to become. Life is good. Don’t sit around and complain about it. You just have to do anything in my power to make it happen.

I want to grow old with the love of my life and go for walks in the park together hand in hand. At times we find our selves just laying in bed and little bits of our bodies are touching. It is not much but you can feel the electricity between us glowing through our bodies. When I get upset or angry, I love the way he hugs me from behind saying, ‘I still love you even when you’re angry’. I might not see him everyday, but I know he is out there thinking of me. It is healthy for your body to be in love. Go find it. It IS worth it. Only certain people deserve it the most.

And this reminds me, I lent Oscar my ipod touch for the weekend after I dropped him off yesterday night. This was slightly a mistake. I need my music.

I swear I will maul whoever steals my ideas. Watch out for the wild things today. The CNN says they’re roaming around the forests today.

i love the feeling

of being somebody's

happiness. my

life is really

worthwhile after all.

Put it in the pot, let it steam, let it brew? lmfaooo

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:16:50 GMT

My boyfriend is so cheesy. At the moment, he is singing forever young. Oh wait scratch that, he just switched to that one song about getting out of the ghetto and getting his mama a crib. He only sings to me, which is not that surprising. Walking into English, Oscar opened the door today. A couple girls aw’ed. That reminded me that my boyfriend is such a gentleman. He’s silly and always is there for me.

The past few days have been alright, but dreading. I want to go shopping. I have cash set up. I am want a vacation. I literally have not been on a vacation with the family in four years. Next year might change. I am excited. School is getting annoying. It really needs to be over with. Chemistry never really bothers me for some reason. Even the smell of photo developer is getting to me.

The cold weather is freezing me. Things are getting sweeter. They might take a turn for the worse in a few days. Let’s enjoy it and not bite each others heads off this week.

So, I really have no idea to type about. ahitty blog. real stufff soooon. Peaceoutbeeeeee.

OH AND THE

NEW SAY ANYTHING

ALBUM IS AMAZING.

Life is not a spark in space

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:51:10 GMT

Happy Halloween interweb. Now we all know my last years Halloween was a little fucked up but this year I hope this will all change. I seriously am having the best days lately. Yesterday was probably the greatest day of my life. Nothing bad happened. Not to mention I listened to THE NEW SAY ANYTHING ALBUM a few days early. Max Bemis is a genius. Their music inspires me. Nothing can beat them.

I woke up in that calm atmosphere that I love. It was quiet. The only movement was my body breathing and the grey autumn light and dust floating in the empty space of my room. Tonight I will find myself over in butterhill with my boyfriend and best friends. I feel a little selfish leaving my mother and little brother alone to spend Halloween with themselves. Watch me change my mind last second and hang out with them instead. Family is very important. I need to spend the remaining time before I hit adulthood with them.

Tomorrow is just a day to anybody else. To myself, it is just a bit special. It glitters compared to the others. I got my boyfriend a little gift. Just a bag of things. Shirts, boxers, and cookies. You would not get the joke. He gave me a bear hug where I could hardly breath. I convince myself when does that the air in my body exchanges with his. One year and eight months and my body will not let go. Everybody says we are going to get married. I know it’s silly but I know we really are<3

I will probably blog again later. This one is just notes and bullets on things. I am beginning to like English class. Maybe that is only because there is a possibility that we might later read Gatsby next year. Check out the flickr. The updated a good five little pictures. I need a new place to explore. Everybody is learning all of my secrets. I really am too indie for shit like that.

and here with you, under these covers. i'll stay with you, there is no other

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:46:43 GMT

It’s Sunday morning. I stayed quite. It was only 8:30am. People were sleeping in this shelter from the rain and snow I call home. The lights glittering on my bedroom walls woke me up. It has been so long since I have seen them last. I got up, grabbed my temporary camera, and walked out of my room. I told my little brother to tag along with me outside to find at least one object to shoot. I shot the stairs, so clique. I can not wait until I find my way over to beacon in a few hours. I do not feel like shooting today, but I have too.

My organs in my body are dancing inside me. I lay here calmly in bed with my brothers laptop propped up against my lap. For once I do not have a dying ipod running on low battery. I actually ate breakfast this morning. I found my mom cooking up some eggs and sausage in the kitchen. It is too early for passion pit, but I cannot help myself. I really am getting connected. It is amazing how music can automatically change your mood into something way more positive. I am not sure about my afternoon, but for now, my morning is going by quite swell.

I want to start sending letters in the mail. Communicating is so simple and easy now. I have an idea where I am going to write a letter anonymously to my boyfriend. He wont know who it is at all. I love throwing him surprises.

Yesterday night, around 8 or so, I was flipping through the channels and I came across the movie milk. I have watched the first half an hour and it just happened to be that the movie was already a half an hour in. I automatically changed the channel and spent the next two hours watching men kissing and politics. The movie was so inspiring and moving. I was on the verge of crying. I hate how people judge, but we all know we do in some way or another. Ignorant bigots who do not accept people who are different should go die in a fire. I seriously hate people like that. Not to mention, James Franco was in the movie lmfao

My boyfriend wont pick up his phone. I need to pick him up in less than an hour. Knowing him, he wants to take a shower, eat, find his clothes, and I am going to have to be there to help him. I literally baby him. He is the most unorganized boy who can be so childish. I take care of him so much more than I have to because if it were up to me, I would do everything for him and he would not have to worry about a thing.

Stockings, skirt, vintage flats and necklaces, tank top, camera around the neck, ipod blasting in ears and lodging around my monster of a bag is how I will be going out today. Look out of for me. I will be the only screaming on the streets of beacon only because I know the weather winds will kick into high gear and top to a near zero.

wild things

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:27:47 GMT

This morning was great. I should have known that it could have gone all downhill from there. School surprisingly is not the reason why I am so stressed. I seriously do not even want to take the time to remember the shit that went down. My head was a mess. My brain could have combusted. Who cares really? My brain was so tired of thinking. It shut off. Just for an hour or so.

Wild things was an option to go see. With Oscar. I did not want to talk to anybody or see anything. I was restless and grumpy. He got there late only by 5 minutes. I actually wanted to buy something to munch on this time. We missed the previews. The minute we sat down the movie started.

I literally got goose bumps the whole movie. Spike Jonze is one hell of a genius. The movie was absolutely beautiful in every single way possible. not to mention that the music really does grasp onto every single scene that it is attacted too. I noticed how there is a concept of how when you are a child you are not much aware how to control to your emotions. I cried at the end lmfao. Oscar did too lmfao. I do not want to give much away. I know I will remember it, so there will be no real point into writing about it here. It will only ruin it for you.

on the way out, i knew we had to say goodbyes quickly. my dad was going to pick me up, and we all know how my dad is. he does not like me associating with the male gender, even though it is quite ironic how i get along with a large majority of guys. do not think of me as some kind of slut in any form of way or anything. i just get along with guys more to be honest. less drama more chilll time.

oscar wanted a refill on his slushie but he wanted root beer instead. we ran into a familar new face. she works there and hooked us up with refills. she reallly is nice.

It is cold and the crisp air has definitely sunk into my veins. My blood moved more slowly, causing my body to react with it. I will get to projects soon. For now, I am relaxing in bed, in sweatpants, a monster hoodie, and long socks. Real hardcore blogging tomorrow maybe?

scratch that-

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:07:00 GMT

i didnt go out and

take pictures or

go to barnes

and noble. i took

a giant gatto

nap instead.

every night is lonely without you

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:57:55 GMT

I need cash. I might as well just stat hunting for a job. I am going to customize ballet flats, like actual ballet flats. I have so many ideas driving in my mind. They are ready to set foot into reality. This week is starting off good. I guess all I needed was a good nights sleep. I love how life can go your ways sometimes.

I’m in graphics. I do not know why, but I feel more cautious. I feel like people are breathing on my neck watching every word I type. A rocket to the moon is distracting me. I love his new stuff. How on earth can I get on youtube and kids can get on myspace but I can never log into facebook? I have no work to do tonight. I am pretty confident about the math test tomorrow. I did pretty well on the quiz, which in the end was not collected and not counted toward my failing grade. Great. I will be okay, but I will be fucked ten times over if my math teacher recommends me out of honors.

I need a new story to entertain my eyes. Maybe I will find my way over to Barnes and Noble later today. I can even go over to Michaels to grab some supplies for all the projects I will later convince myself to accomplish later in life. I want my ideas to surprise people. I am pretty sure they will. I have tricks up my sleeves and nobody has a clue.

The fall feeling has sinked into my skin. Since I have no homework to do today, the minute I get home I am going to wrap my huge scarf around my neck and start clicking away. I need to take advantage of the inspiration and left over summer sunlight in my bones. I am not staying after, or maybe I should, just to surprise my boyfriend. I miss him more than ever right now, and he is only down the hall in the auto garage. I will be seeing him in a few minutes. I can’t wait.

When he talks he somehow creeps into my dreams.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:24:33 GMT

Good morning. I sit here on my brothers laptop, typing away to passion pit and eating honey nut cheerios. It is dark out and raining. I could spot it a mile away without my glasses on. Today will be boring. Last night I actually did my trig homework. It was pretty easy. Matrixes are my best friend.

I give up. I have this mental problem that I should probably go see a doctor about. I forgive too quickly. I can be too nice sometimes. I’m sticking your skeleton under my bed. For now, you are just a misguided ghost that will just echo me in circles. You have already caused so many problems for me any way.

After what happened, I had no idea what to do with myself. I blocked everybody from my life and locked out the light. I was not depressed or anything, it is just that something was wrong. I was hurt and I could no longer trust anybody. I promised myself that I would not sing of love if it does no exist, but then, I found an exception. He’s the only exception that I seriously write about in every single entry. I can not thank him or love him more than I do or I’ll explode.

I’ll be blogging later. my dad is awake and will probably be checking up on what i am doing. Peaceouthomies.